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Happily Self Settling

Self settling or self soothing comes up every day in my practice. It is a key component in achieving great sleep. However, it is often misconstrued and seen as a negative thing by those who assume it requires unresponsive parenting to achieve self setting.

If you remember the movie Meet The Folkers, you will have seen how ‘Grandpa Jack’ used Ferberizing as a technique to teach ‘Little Jack’ to learn how to self soothe. I think this movie brought up a lot of questions over how loving this was and whether a child would actually learn that their cries are unheard.

Now, the movie is a comedy so lets not take it too seriously and let’s also remember that the child was responded to, but Grandpa Jack had certain rules around how and when what responses were allowed. We also know that the grandpa had positive intentions.

In the real world we see a whole bunch of variations on this approach. Some are safe and suitable in the right circumstances.

If a child learns that no-one comes when they cry, they stop crying – true. This happens in orphanages and people are shocked to walk into a room full of babies but it’s so quiet.

As human beings we don’t continue with behaviours that don’t serve us, so they don’t cry if it isn’t getting a response. This is terribly sad and you can understand why a baby would not have a healthy attachment with their parent if they employed this approach.

This approach is actually called extinction or ‘Cry It Out’. It may be effective but at what cost? This is NOT something we advocate here at The Sleep Nanny®

So when we talk about ‘sleep training’ and ‘self soothing’, all those who hold negative connotations will automatically attack this with assumptions that it must involve ignoring a baby’s needs – It most certainly doesn’t with our ethos at The Sleep Nanny®

We advocate sleep training and teaching self settling with a secure attachment focus. We ensure a baby or child is always responded to and their needs are always met. We want to teach a baby or child to happily self settle and here’s why…

Self settling is an essential but learned skill. In other words, it has to be taught. Those who feel they didn’t do any teaching of this skill will have done without realising it and probably had a pretty easy going, adaptable child. Something as simple as a routine can teach the skill with some personality types.

For others it is a bigger task. Super alert temperaments require a lot more support in learning how to self settle and we are not given the knowledge of how to do this as parents.

There is not one simple answer for ‘how’ to teach a child to self settle. If there were, we would all know it because it would be very well publicised. But if you acquire the knowledge for how to work out a suitable way for your own unique circumstances, that’s got to be powerful knowledge!

Why is self settling so important? Why can’t I just settle my child to sleep until she doesn’t want me to anymore?

This is a great question.

We explored this question in our monthly members club: Empowered Parenting. We also looked at 5 techniques for teaching your child to self settle happily while maintaining a secure attachment and we wanted to share some of that session with you as a special episode.

We hope you enjoy this and if you want to become a member and get in on these LIVE training sessions each month, it’s just £20 per month and you can sign up below.

Join our Monthly Members and get instant access to the exclusive members content, a quick-start workshop, six training programmes, our monthly LIVE trainings, ask YOUR questions and get 24/7 support in our members group.

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3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
>>>> You can sleep through the night and your little one can too! <<<<Head over to this week's episode of The Sleep Nanny show, youtu.be/UPSLYavPfw4, where you’ll learn how to teach your little one to sleep through the night in 5 simple steps and it's never too early to learn this!If you have a newborn, check this out now because you’ll soon be able to get into good rhythms and practices to accommodate these 5 steps as soon as you spot your baby is ready.Broken sleep for too long can affect health, mental well-being, learning capacity, safety and all round happiness to name just a few things! Tag someone who really needs to see these steps to get more sleep!! ... See MoreSee Less
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3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Sleep tip: Moving up to a big bed? It is best to wait as near to 3 years old as you can get ... See MoreSee Less
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3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Somewhere between 4 and 6 months is the time to begin helping your baby to practice settling to sleep ... See MoreSee Less
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3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Self Settling Q&A ... See MoreSee Less
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3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Do you find you have to do something to or for your little one in order for them to go to sleep? Is there a particular thing or a bunch of things that send them off into the land of nod?This week, in a brand new episode of The Sleep Nanny Show I share with you how to get your little one to self settle, happily, responsively and effectively! <<<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wp0URnUtQY>>>I share my loving approach to guiding babies and young children through the essential process of adjusting to their own sleep space, becoming at ease with being placed down for sleep and needing less and less help to actually get to sleep until they’re totally competent and can self settle happily.When little ones can settle themselves to sleep at the onset of sleep, they can then resettle their minor wakings between sleep cycles which leads to them achieving longer and longer stretches of nourishing and restorative sleep (and for you too)!Tag a friend who needs to hear this advice! ... See MoreSee Less
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Error: Error validating access token: The session has been invalidated because the user changed their password or Facebook has changed the session for security reasons. Type: OAuthException

3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
>>>> You can sleep through the night and your little one can too! <<<<Head over to this week's episode of The Sleep Nanny show, youtu.be/UPSLYavPfw4, where you’ll learn how to teach your little one to sleep through the night in 5 simple steps and it's never too early to learn this!If you have a newborn, check this out now because you’ll soon be able to get into good rhythms and practices to accommodate these 5 steps as soon as you spot your baby is ready.Broken sleep for too long can affect health, mental well-being, learning capacity, safety and all round happiness to name just a few things! Tag someone who really needs to see these steps to get more sleep!! ... See MoreSee Less
View on Facebook

3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Sleep tip: Moving up to a big bed? It is best to wait as near to 3 years old as you can get ... See MoreSee Less
View on Facebook

3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Somewhere between 4 and 6 months is the time to begin helping your baby to practice settling to sleep ... See MoreSee Less
View on Facebook

3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Self Settling Q&A ... See MoreSee Less
View on Facebook

3 months ago

The Sleep Nanny
Do you find you have to do something to or for your little one in order for them to go to sleep? Is there a particular thing or a bunch of things that send them off into the land of nod?This week, in a brand new episode of The Sleep Nanny Show I share with you how to get your little one to self settle, happily, responsively and effectively! <<<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wp0URnUtQY>>>I share my loving approach to guiding babies and young children through the essential process of adjusting to their own sleep space, becoming at ease with being placed down for sleep and needing less and less help to actually get to sleep until they’re totally competent and can self settle happily.When little ones can settle themselves to sleep at the onset of sleep, they can then resettle their minor wakings between sleep cycles which leads to them achieving longer and longer stretches of nourishing and restorative sleep (and for you too)!Tag a friend who needs to hear this advice! ... See MoreSee Less
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E: support@sleepnanny.co.uk

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