In this blog, I am talking all about the impact on parents when babies cry. There are so many things about this, so I’m going to break this down for you. I’m going to give you three key pieces of information today that’s really going to help you understand that and why perhaps you feel the way you do when your little one cries.
First of all, I want to share with you that we are wired, parents are wired, to respond to babies cries faster than any other sound that we hear. It’s nature’s way of wiring us for human survival, because when the parent responds to the cry of their young, it’s to ensure their survival. So it’s to ensure the survival of the human race, and actually you’ll find it’s completely true of other animals in the animal kingdom as well. The mothers are wired to respond to the cry of the young and fathers too .Knowing that is quite reassuring, because we know that, there’s a wire trigger here, in nature, that’s making me feel like this is like an emergency, emergency, fix it, fix it, fix it kind of thing, when a baby cries.
Honestly, I still feel that way now when I hear any baby cry, even though my children are nine and 11 at the time of recording this. When I hear other babies cry, I do still feel that, I need to fix that, I need to make it stop. It’s an intuition. That said, just because nature wired us that way doesn’t mean it’s right. And it doesn’t mean that we need to go and fix it, fix it, fix it. Sometimes it trips us up in the same way that we are wired in nature, fear, fear is sent to protect us. Fear is something we feel to protect us from danger. Sometimes fear prevents us from being brave and doing courageous things that actually can get us phenomenal, fantastic results and outcomes and it holds us back.
So in the same way, our wiring to respond to crying and to treat it like, “Oh my God, it’s an emergency, got to make it stop,” can actually trip us up and prevent us from taking a more logical, rational view on what’s actually happening in front of us. So let me go into that in a bit more detail. What is the meaning that you give to the crying? Because the meaning that you give to the cry is going to have a direct correlation with your ability to manage it.
Let’s look at that in another way. It’s more about you in this context than the child. Have a look at that one coming out very soon, but when a child cries there is a meaning, there is a purpose, there’s a reason why children cry. Babies cry, young babies cry more because they have the only way of communicating is by crying.
As a parent, if you attach a meaning to the cry that is, “Oh my goodness, my baby’s crying. They must be so sad and miserable.” When actually the cry is actually saying, “Can someone change this dirty diaper? It’s really uncomfortable.” Then the meaning that we are applying to the cry and the true meaning of the cry are not aligned. Consider that for a moment because we may not have that meaning right in our minds and that will change how we respond. When we know the meaning, the response is going to be more fitting and it’s going to make the crying stop and everyone will feel better much sooner. Knowledge is really powerful in this. And this is my third point for you really in that when you know, and you understand those cries, it gives you the ability to respond more effectively.
You can create a response plan, when I have this kind of cry, well, then I need to do that. That gives you confidence. And with that confidence comes a much more blissful experience as a parent and for a little one, because you know that they’re not going to be crying because their needs are not met. Every time they cry, if there’s a need to be met, you meet the need, but you also start to learn to differentiate the wants from the needs. There’s a need where it’s like, “Okay, crying is the only way I can tell them that I need this.” But then there may be wants. Little ones do cry because they want something even if they don’t need it.
Sometimes that’s okay, and sometimes it’s not, it will give you confidence as well.
When babies cry, just remember you are wired to respond and you should respond. But the meaning you give to the cry is going to determine the response that you come out with. And when you know what the meaning is, the response is going to be more appropriate. It’s going to solve the problem faster and give you that confidence as well.
Have a think about that, the beliefs and the meanings that you give, because there’s going to be a lot of answers for you in there when you sort of dig inside and have a think about that.
In my next blog, I am going to be sharing with you, when it comes to crying, what responses, how does responding work? And what could you use and how could you respond really effectively.
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